Can I Stop My Divorce Before It Is Too Late?

Merrill- I am scared that I have lost my wife. We have been married for almost ten years, and I do not know what is wrong.  She has said that things have changed, and that she is not happy.  We have two wonderful children, and I do not want anything to change.  She has filed for a divorce, and I cannot bring myself to sign the papers.  Is it too late, or can I still save my marriage?

From-Approaching the point of no return

Dear Approaching,

There is some good news, and some bad news.  Since I always like to hear the bad first, I will assume the same for you.  You truly are clueless if you have no idea why the woman you have been married to for over ten years suddenly would give everything she has up and file for a divorce.  Perhaps this is the whole reason she has decided to call it quits.  Have you ever thought about what she could be talking about when she says things have changed?  Have things changed, or have you changed.  I believe that without even knowing you, I can honestly say that ten years ago, before the dirty diapers and the pureed carrots you were active in this relationship.  You knew how your wife felt, when she was happy, and when she was sad.  Somehow, over the last ten years you have lost that ability, and have fallen into this routine called life.  You think that because you kiss her goodbye everyday, that you are both fine, but she is not.  You have lost the things that she fell in love with.  Do you ever ask her how her day was, or surprise her with a spa package?  Can you remember the last time you made love, or held her hand.  Probably not.

So now for the good news.  It is not over quite yet.  You have one last chance for this marriage to survive.  You have to get her back the same way you got her in the first place.  You need to sit down and figure out what has changed, and change it back.  I would start with a date.  Go out for dinner, or to the movies.  Get her flowers; do all of that fun, cheesy stuff that you did when you were young, and did not have children.  Send the kids to your moms that way you will have the house to yourselves.  Run her a nice bath, and join her.  To me it just sounds like she is fed up with you having no clue that she is not happy.  Now this is the most important information.  Talk to her.  Tell her you know what is going on, and you want one more chance to show her that you love her, and want her in your life.  Tell her you know you have changed over the years, and that you are going to work on getting the things that she loved about you back.

If she is willing to call off the divorce, and it will not happen overnight; from that point on you must care about her feelings.  You can save your marriage, but you have to pay attention.  Good luck, I hope you will let me know how it goes.