On & Off Again: Are You On A Relationship Rollercoaster
We have all been there, when a friend asks how long you and your partner have been together you reply, ‘on and off again for a few years’. However, that is not a very healthy response, or relationship for that matter. So when do you know when to get off that relationship rollercoaster? Here we will go over everything you need to know about on and off again dating, and when to get off the ride.
First, you need to assess the conflicts that you have had, that have made you break up in the past. Each of you should make a list of what you remember to be the reasons why you fight, and then compare each of your lists. Talk about how this time it will be different, and how you will fix that problem. This will get you back in the mood to handle things as a couple, and also address the issues that have been breaking down your relationship.
Second, make sure that you have the appropriate environment for a successful go at it this time. Layout your role, and that of your partners. For example, who has the role of the entertainer? Now of course that does not mean one of you is not allowed to take on that role, but who has that role primarily? Who is the cook? Who is the banker? There are always roles in relationships, and the clearer they get the easier it is.
Third, create your own formula for success. What is it that you both will do differently this tie around in comparison to the last seven times? How will you meet each others needs? You need to know each others importance, and what they value. That way you can ingrain those ideas into your daily life.
The next thing you need to know is about forgiveness. Now obviously with the relationship being on and off again you have both obviously hurt each other. However, if you are truly going to make it work this time then you need to forgive eachoher. Forgive what they have said, and the things they have done to hurt you. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it is also the number one reason why you will not succeed again. Think of this as a new beginning because if you dwell on the past then you are really not giving it your best shot.
Finally, you need stability in your relationship. You both need to commit to each other fully. If you continue to have a half-assed approach,a nd think to yourself, if it does not work you will just end it again, then it will not work. You need to be as committed as the first time you met.
So there you have it. If you are going to make it work this time then you must be serious. You cannot just think to yourself that you have an easy way out of it, if it happens to fail again. That will eventually ruin your relationship. It is obvious that you love each other still or you would not continue to put yourselves through hell, time and tie again, but remember sometimes love just ain’t enough.
Are You Dateless Tonight… Again?
So as the weekend quickly approaches, you find yourself trying to answer that unruly question of what are you going to do this weekend. Your co-workers ask you it every day of your life, and unlike their amazing plans, you have nothing. You cannot bring yourself to tell them that you will spend your weekend with your cat watching reruns of Law & Order, so you lie and say you have a date. They all swoon over you like a flock of hungry seagulls, and they want the dirt. You make up what Mr. Right looks like, and tell them he is a banker, but you should not have to lie. What not try to actually get a date this weekend?
So here goes nothing… Get motivated, because this weekend you are going on a date, just follow these instructions.
First, you need to rethink the way you see dating. You need to see it as a learning experience. Everyone has awful dates, but you need to have the bad ones to have something to compare the god ones too right? Really you are not going to be able to figure out what kind of traits Mr. Right has if you do not date a couple of losers first.
You also have to remember that you have to be true to yourself. Do not try and be what your potential dates want you to be. Rather, be yourself, and if they do not like that then they are not right for you. If you fake your personality then the relationship will fail anyways. Now of course you want to make a good first impression, and perhaps you do not want them to know your obsession with burping the alphabet, but save that stuff for when you have bonded with that person to a point where you feel comfortable letting them know your little quirks.
When trying to find a date you need to know what it is you are looking for. Make a list of everything you want in a potential partner, and that way, once you know what you want it will be easier to find. Maybe you want to date a guy that loves surfing as much as you do. Well why date someone who hates surfing., that is just a waste of your time.
You also need to figure out why you are dating. Are you doing it to find someone for a long period of time, or are you just casually dating. Make sure that you are ready to start dating, and by evaluating why you are dating, you will be able to figure out if you are ready. Some of us have a lot of baggage that impedes on our ability to date, so figuring this out before you take the step is a good idea.
Remember to have fun. Maye they are not perfect for you, but hey that does not mean you cannot enjoy yourself. So put your fancy shoes on, and go have a good time. You have to try on a lot of shoes before you find the perfect pair.
What Women Want
It is the question that every man wants the answer to; what do women want? It is obviously not what men want, so they stew over what it is they need to do to please their women. Here we will go over what every man should know when it comes to women.
You see the two sexes compliment each other, and therefore are very opposite. Women see the world through different lenses, and worry about different things then men do. Women are a complex species of their own. They are sensitive, but are expected to be confident. They are emotional when they are expected to be strong willed. No matter what women do they are constantly in a state of thought and worry, whether it is about what they are wearing, or the relationship they are in.
So when men were asked what it is they wanted to know about women, this is what they found.
When it comes to getting your girlfriend or wife in the mood there are a few things you need to keep in mind. First, women cannot turn on a light switch to get in the mood. As a man you have to work at this. We need a connection, and intimacy to get into it. A little bit of conversation is allowed so that we can feel connected to you. This idea seems to have been lost along the way somewhere. Treat us like real people, and not something you see in a porno flick.
When it comes to romance, a lot of men have no idea what that word even means. It does not mean flowers and chocolate. What it does mean is picking up on those little things that we love, and doing them. Of curse as our society begins to move quicker and quicker this idea of romance has been lost somewhere along the way. Not every women appreciates having the door opened for her, but the majority of us do. These kind of things make us feel special and appreciated.
When it comes to the bedroom, it is a known fact that many women fake their enjoyment, but why? Well it does not take a genius to figure that one out. Do not just consider yourself in these situations. It takes two to tango as they say. If one person is not getting the steps then it ruins the whole performance. However, if a women sees that you are determined and that you are trying to hard then it takes away from our experience. We would be awful people if you worked that hard for nothing, so we lie.
You see to women sex means a whole lot more then the exchange of a few bodily fluids. Instead to us it means everything. It is not like shaking hands, it is a connection at a whole other level. Next time you crawl into bed then take a minute to put yourself in our shoes. Try to remember what sex was like in the beginning when you cherished the idea so much more. Over time we lose this in our marriages, and as a result we lose our marriages.
What To Talk About On A First Date
Dating someone new is exciting but can cause anxiety for that first date. If you are set for a date this weekend sometimes your biggest worry is what you will talk about. Before your date a usual chat with a good friend reassures you not to worry about the date and that it will go fine but how do they know?! You may be shy or when it comes to dating you get all flustered and have no idea where to begin.
Conversation that begins easily and flows well can come with some easy tips to remember on your first date for either person. Just remember this is a date and not an interview. I have met people who shared they actually bring their questions not so cleverly hidden into their daily agenda planners. Not so subtle when you’ve got it sitting open in front of you at the date ticking the questions off as you ask them. I’ve also come across people who say they ask the questions over the telephone wanting to avoid bringing it along on their dates but guess what, people aren’t stupid. They are onto you. It’s a big turnoff even before the date has begun.
Stay clear of personal questions and topics over dinner. These would include asking what happened in their last relationship that went wrong. It’s hard to believe that so many people ask these questions right off the bat and then amazes me how much men and women get upset by hearing too much information. Remember if you ask such questions this opens the door that your date can talk about anything and plainly some of it is none of our business.
Being on the subject of past relationships, it is also not wise to openly talk about your last ex or who you just finished sleeping with. This makes me choke on my wine when men start talking about how crazy their last ex was and what she did without me ever asking. Most of the time people don’t want to hear about the last love of your life or play date. Have respect for the person you are out on a date with and place yourself in their shoes. If there are things you wouldn’t want to hear, why would you talk about it.
Don’t bring up sensitive subjects such as religion or politics. Just because you love discussing politics with your co-workers it doesn’t mean your date wants this relaxing evening turning into a political debate. There is a time and place and the first date it is not. Some people worry that they don’t know enough about politics and are nervous if someone brings it up. These days we live in a world where religion is a very touchy subject. Some people have their own religion that they follow and some don’t believe in it. You have to approach that subject when the time comes but the first date should be light and fun.
We spend most of our day at work so don’t re-hash how much your boss pissed you off this week. Work is work. Leave it there. It’s great to find out what each other’s careers are but too much talk can be a sign that someone is a workaholic.
All in all both of you have taken the time to spend this time together getting to know each other. Don’t panic if there is silence. It sounds cliché but just be yourself. First dates are exciting and remember that both of you are hoping that conversation will flow.
Who Is Looking For Love Online?
So you are thinking about venturing into the world of online dating, but you do not want anyone more creepy then the guys you are finding in the real world already. You are thinking to yourself, if I cannot find a man here and now, what makes me think I can find any takers online? Well you may be wrong about the people that are looking for love online. You may be surprised at the statistics we will go over about who exactly is online right now, and why they have decided to start online dating.
First, when men were asked online about what they are looking for out of the online dating experience, a whopping 98% of men said they were looking for a long term relationship. So that myth that men are online preying for younger women to take advantage of is really a myth. That means for all you ladies out their, do not have this idea in your mind when looking for love online. It is simply not fair for the men online that are looking for a serious long term relationship.
When men were tallied online, 94% of them said they are ready to settle down, and balance their careers with a successful relationship. I bet you never thought you would hear those words in the same sentence. That means for all you women that thought men would never be willing to settle down then you are wrong. Men obviously do think about the long term, and the success of their careers, and relationships.
So how are you doing so far? Surprised at who is online looking for love? Well get prepared to be surprised some more. When a group of men were surveyed online about what they are looking for when participating in online dating, a whopping 87% said they find it attractive if a women makes more money then them. So far, it looks like the men online, are all the great guys that are virtually non-existent here on earth.
The next question was about what men do in their spare time. When they were asked about charitable donations, and volunteer work, 80% of men said they have given money to a charity, and a third of them also volunteer in their spare time. This is something that really lets you know what type of guy is online right now, and so far our stereotypes have been over turned.
How about what kind of women these men are looking for? When asked what the most important trait they are looking for in women the top answer was ‘kindness’, and 75% said their partners would be their best friends. So there you have it, men are not all pigs. In fact, they are not superficial at all. There is nothing superficial about kindness. What did you think their response would have been? My guess was a toss between breasts or butts.
A few more little stats that you should be aware of when wondering what kind of men are lurking online are, that almost 60% them have been cheated on. When asked if they believe in love at first sight, almost 60% replied yes.
Last but not least, and listen closely ladies, when asked about how they feel about sex on the first date, 60% of men said it is great by all means, but they would not marry someone that did that.
What To Wear On A First Date
The countdown to a first date is fun, new and exciting. It can also cause butterflies if you’re anxious about where you will be going and not sure what to expect. Dating in itself is always the unknown with a new person.
You’ve got that date next weekend and still not sure if that black dress is going to work that’s in your closet. It’s always important for the person who is taking you out to give you an idea on where you will be going. Did you hear that men? There are men that I have encountered who play mysterious until that eventful date and cause either an overdressed or under dressed situation. Both not good if you’re interested in a second date. If you’re telling her you’re going to something low-key that can be a different explanation to someone else who may sport a pair of jeans and a tee when in fact you’re going to a nice theater and then out for some wine tasting. You see what I mean don’t you.
Ideally he should call you in the week to confirm the time for your date especially if he’s picking you up. This is a good time to ask him where you two may be going. Some men are so laid back they have quite a few ideas which may prove challenging for you to plan your outfit. If the idea is dinner and maybe dancing or shooting pool somewhere, you can always wear a shorter heel if you will be playing pool.
Choose something outfit appropriate for the date planned. Don’t wear your black dress if it’s a casual lunch and a walk through the local park garden. Only wear the heels if you can wear them. If you are not accustomed to wearing 3 inch heels it will show in your stumble. If you do plan to wear heels make sure to wear broken in shoes and not a brand new pair the night of. There is nothing worse than limping in a blood filled shoe because your heels are blistering!
Do dress appropriately for the weather. If it’s raining that day don’t wear a light colored outfit since you don’t know how far from the parking lot to the restaurant you will be going. With cars driving and splashing around you don’t want your pretty outfit ruined. If you tend to use hair products like hairspary and it is raining with no umbrella, be prepared for those products to make a sticky mess in your hair.
Don’t try that new haircut or hairstyle an hour before your actual date. If you were planning to try out a new hairstyle do a test style a week before the date just to ensure you actually like it. If make up is not really part of your daily routine you don’t need to go all out. An eyelash curler, mascara and a pretty shade of lipstick that compliments your skin tone works. Less is always better when it comes to makeup anyways.
Do dress in what you are comfortable with. If you are a girly girl of course you love to dress up and be feminine but if you are a sporty girl putting a dress on may not be the most fun thing for you do. Compromise to leave that track suit at home on the nite of the date and wear black slacks or even a cute pair of jeans depending on where you will be going. If you’re uncomfortable in what you are wearing it will show in your body language. Be confident in what you choose and just be yourself.
What Not To Put On Your Online Dating Profile
If you have ventured into the world of online dating then you have probably encountered the profile stage. This is when you have to tell the site all about yourself, and what makes you special, unique, and appealing to the opposite sex. Most categories are fairly easy, like hobbies, and favorite meals, but there are a lot of things you need to keep in mind when completing your online dating profile. These profiles can be seen by people all over the world,a nd what ou put on them says a lot about who you are.
These things that you are putting online for the whole world to see can end up coming back to haunt you, or sabotage your future. Remember that ou are creating a reputation online, just like you would when you get a new job, or go to school. This generation has been led to believe that it is okay to put photos online of you in your worst behaviours. Children are posting pictures on Facebook of them smoking, doing drugs, or in scantily clad outfits. Now come on, we are allowed to have fun, but do you really want the whole world to know about it. I say you should not put anything on your online profiles that you would not ant your grandma to see.
Did you know that those photos online can be copied, and edited to look even worse then they may already? What if your father saw a photo of you online that had been transformed into something that it was not intended to be? think to yourself, is what I am writing in this profile really me? How does it make me appear to others? Could these photos be used against me? Will they jeopardize my future?
So there are a few tips that you should know when posting an online dating profile. First, avoid using pictures where you are not at your best. Instead try a flattering photo of you smiling, or with a pet. When you post pictures of you drinking or with other women or men, it can send the wrong message to people that you are interested in dating. A picture is your first impression when you are online so it is important that you send a good message. Do not post pictures of you doing illegal activity. really you should not be doing anything illegal and if you do, you should not be taking photos of it. You do not know who could get their hands on it, and therefore, what could be done with them. Did you know that in the last year, more and more employers are looking at applicants Facebook profiles to get an idea of who they are. Could you imagine if that profile had distasteful pictures on it? Do you think you would get that job?
These words of advice go for any online profile that you have. From Facebook to eharmony, do not put things in your online profiles that you do not want to come back and haunt you. You never know when they can come back and bite you in the butt. From a job promotion, to a future date.
So go and get out there. Get started on your online dating profile today, but remember to keep it PG if you want to get a date.
What Women Look For In Men
Women are by far the for intense of the two sexes. I mean we plan out our weddings at the age of six! We know exactly what we want in Mr. Right, it is finding him that is the problem. However, there are many things that men do not know about us, or are unwilling to accept. These things are important for men who are finally ready to get serious. You may be surprised to hear that humor and intelligence rank higher then the size of your pecs. So read on, and find out what we look for in men.
It may not come as a shock to you that we hate married men, over powering cologne, and overly demanding spouses. But not everything is as easy to figure out when it comes to women. In a recent study of women from all over north America, some of the results were a little more shocking then this. What was discovered is that many women have started settling for second best, and not what they would define as their soul mates. Also, even though many women are quick to report that humor is their most important quality in a man, the bad boy still trumped the comedian. Even in the 21st century, we still have not figured out that the bad boys, well, are bad for us. What is even funnier is that forty percent of women are surprised that when they told their boyfriends that they love them, they did not get a response.
So when it comes to celebrities, who is the one that women want? Well somehow women are still swooning over George Clooney, reeling in forty percent of women. Who out ranked Colin Farrell, Orlando Bloom, and Jake Gyllenhaal. When it comes to TV doctors, McDreamy won it hands down. For those men out there that do not know who McDreamy is, he is played by Patrick Dempsey. Move over ER.
So what about here back on the planet earth? Well, women want a man that is going to treat them well,is funny, and that has some book smarts. These kinds of things far out ranked how you are in bed, the way you look, or how much money you make.
So what about on a date, what sends a woman packing? The first and most important thing is body odor, and coming in second is someone who cannot carry a conversation. Most women are not all that concerned with what you wear, but they do expect you to pay on the first date.
Now we are going to elaborate on the bad boy. Surprisingly, almost forty percent of women in their thirties still find the bad boy attractive. The good news is that this number fell from sixty percent of women in high school.
When it comes to age, as men you should know that we are not after younger men. Only fifteen percent of women said they prefer younger men. So do not start trying to pick up cougars in an attempt to find a date. Ashton Kutcher is a special case.
So what about dating in the workplace? How do women feel about it? You may be shocked to hear that almost seventy percent of women have dated someone that they worked with. So perhaps you should give a second look at the women you share an office with, or that works at the front counter. More over, ten percent of women have dated their bosses.
What is even more surprising is that over fifty percent of women revealed that they have dated a married man. So ladies pull your husband a little closer, because it is likely he is fooling around on you. Ladies, shame on you, there is a wife, and she is a fellow women so back off will you! Yes that is right we are not all that smart, because a quarter of women say they have dated a man they thought was gay.
So if sex is not on our lists of priorities then what do we have to say about it. Shockingly, seventy-five percent of women say they have faked an orgasm. Half of the women said that sex a couple of times a week is perfect, with only twenty percent saying everyday. I know it is hard to believe that we do not think about sex every six seconds like you do.
Finally, what is the main cause of our break-ups? The most popular response is that the man could not commit. Coming in second is cheating partners. Third place goes to men who cared more about themselves then their partners.
So there you have it, all of our dirty little secrets as to what we look for in the opposite sex. We are not perfect, and no one is, but take these little facts, and do with them what you may. Nothing is written in stone, but women are hard to figure out, and the more you know, the better off you will be.
Increasing Intimacy In Stressful Times
-85% of couples feel more connected to their spouses when regular intimacy is occurring.
-65% of people in relationships feel they need to talk more about intimacy issues.
So what do you do if you cannot find the time to get intimate, but clearly it needs to be dealt with, well follow these few rules, and your relationship will thank-you for it.
Meeting Women For The Shy Guy
Isn’t there a song that goes along the lines of a shy guy? Don’t worry guys because women actually find it refreshing to meet a shy guy than someone who can be overbearing and deliberating playing you.
In large crowds it is probaly not best for the shy guy to approach a woman where you need to be loud and ready for the other competition if for example the setting is in a club. The club is not the best place for someone who is shy to try to strike up conversation and make plans for a date.
To meet someone make sure you’re in a comfortable setting where you feel like yourself. Sign up for some new classes that you have been set on doing but haven’t gotten the chance to until now. Don’t set yourself up for failure by signing up for some new class you have completely no interest for. If writing interests you join the new local writing club a new author has started or a new spring class at the local community centre. Let the new spring season be the start of learning something new. If anything you will meet new people that share the same interests. Meeting a woman that shares the same interest in you is always a plus and is an easy conversation opener if you’re taking the same class.
Let your friends know you are open to being set up with someone. If you trust your friends then you would trust who they want to set you up on a date with. If you are too shy to go alone on your date then opt for a double date where you may feel more comfortable meeting your friend’s friend in a social setting. Your friend who most likely knows you are shy can introduce you and vice versa. Ask how he or she knows your friend. If you have all met for coffee you can talk about the cafe you have met at and other great cafe places in the area. If there are 4 of you conversation will be easy and natural.
Double dating is a great way to practice your confidence. With your friends with you it’s easy to feel comfortable and at ease but take what you learned with you when you go on that new date alone. Just be relaxed and genuine. Women can see right through you if you are not being true to yourself. You can meet women anywhere. The next time you are out and about make sure you look around and just smile at a woman that you may find attractive. Smiling goes a long way. It puts you in a good mood if you weren’t to begin with and it attracts other people. Try it. When you’re at the mall, post office and wherever you may be just smile at someone and you will see it’s contagious.
In a short time you will be able to approach and meet women you are interested in. Shyness doesn’t have to be something that you fight with everyday. Just take a deep breath and relax. Do something different today that you usually don’t do like smiling at a woman and saying hello. Take it a step further the next day and instead of just a hello maybe you can ask where the business section is if you’re at the bookstore. As time goes on it will become easier and you will be on your way to meeting someone new.
