Why Your Online Relationship May Not Work
You have decided to venture into the world of online dating. You have never tried anything like this before, but you are at your wits end, and refuse to spend another Friday night alone with your cat, and the newest chick flick. You are thinking to yourself, hopefully I meet someone on here that can help me change my life, make it more exciting, and fun. Well, before you log on, take an opportunity to evaluate whether or not you are serious about online dating.
You see many people when using online dating, are very cautious, and usually they will never let the relationship blossom into something ‘normal’. The lenses we look at online dating through can make it difficult for an online relationship to be successful, find out if you are one of these people.
First, how seriously do you take the people you are talking to? Do you find your self unsure of what they are saying. Do you think they are lieing, or exaggerating their stories. If you do not take the people online seriously, then how will you ever take a relationship with one of them?
Second, how much information do you provide to your online dates. Are you shy and reserved when normally you would be open with someone face to face. If you are not willing to provide a few things about yourself then what makes you think people will want to date you online.
Third, trust is a very important part of online relationships. Because you are both so far away, there needs to be a very solid trust foundation to take away some of the fear that they are not who they say they are.
Fourth, shyness can be cute, but it can also be annoying. You have no reason to be shy with people online, because at least they are not there to judge you. Now of course do not go from super outgoing to super shy when you meet face to face, because then you just look like two different people.
Fifth, do not be afraid. Fear is not a good way to start a relationship. Try not to be afraid of what might happen, and just go with it, as you would if you met that person in person. People will be able to sense your paranoia, and may get turned off by it. Be safe, but try to relax.
Sixth, believe in who you are with. If your partner senses that you do not believe in this relationship, or put it at a lower standing then a ‘normal’ relationship then you may find yourself alone.
Seventh, what are your priorities in life? How do your priorities come across online? People like to know that they are appreciated, and play a role in their partners life. That is why it is important to make it clear to your online partner that they matter in your life.
Eighth, are you willing to take the next step? Talking is only one part of online dating, and if you simply leave it at that you are no more then friends. Once you have overcome talking online, try talking on the phone, and then after you are comfortable, perhaps you want to meet somewhere for a coffee, and talk face to face. Then you can proceed to touching, and even more intimate behaviours.
Ninth, be genuine, and sincere. If you want this erelationship to last then you should try to be yourself, but also keep it at a high level of sincerity. Even if it is just online dating it could lead to something more, but not if you are not willing to show people the best side of you.
Finally, online dating sites are not grocery stores, where you can pick and choose what you want, and return it if it is not what you were looking for. Do not treat people online like they are 100% disposable. If you lose someone you really liked then you may not be able to get them back, so be careful, and keep your heart open.
How To Have A Better Relationship Then Your Parents Did
So often we blame our parents for the way we turn out. If they fought a lot then it seems we are destined to do the same thing with our spouses. However, this is not the way you should be thinking of your relationship with your partner. Instead you should be trying to overcome the predisposed acts of your parents. You have been given a gift that they were not, and you are able to see exactly what you should not do. Now of course, this only goes for the things you view as negative actions in your relationship, that have been a result of your parents actions. The good things should be ignored. Like they say, if it is not broken then do not fix it.
First, you should take your parents examples, as what not to do in your relationships. If your parents did not set good examples in their own relationships, then you should not follow their leads. Perhaps they did not know what they were imposing on you, but treat it as a guide to overcome the odds, and make a decision to try and refrain form acting the way they did.
Secondly, now that you have gotten rid of the bad influences, try and find a good role model to look up to in your relationship. Perhaps you have noticed how your friends and his girlfriend never fight, and they always seem to communicate if things are not right. Well you should talk to your friend and ask them how they do it so that you can try it with your girlfriend. A lot of people will get jealous at the way other people handle their problems that they lose the advice from it. Do not be envious of other couples, learn from them.
Third, you may want to think about getting some counselling. If you know you are headed down the wrong path, you should ask for help. Do not be afraid to admit when things are going wrong, and perhaps you could even ask your parents what they think went wrong with their relationship. You can be sure that if they both point fingers at each other, they are both in the wrong. You have a choice to either go to counselling alone, or try to get your partner to come as well. If they will not go to counselling, then at least you know that you tried.
Finally, you need to relax. People get way to stressed out about relationship, when really they are supposed to fun, exciting, and enjoyable. When you put too much pressure on each other, and freak out if things do not go as planned then you will have a hard time feeling satisfied about your relationship. SO next time you are having problems, take a deep breath, and relax.
How To Tell Someone They Are A Bad Kisser
So we will set the scene. You just started dating this guy, and it has been about a month now. You have not jumped into bed with each other yet, but you have gone far enough. However, the thought of kissing him makes even your dog sick. He is an awful kisser, and by awful, I mean he does not have a clue what he is doing. Perhaps he missed the pillow or hand lessen hat we all learn in school, or maybe some stupid women told him what a great kisser he was… when they were five, and now he is dead set that there is nothing wrong.
This is actually a much more common issue then you may think. Many women simply hate the way their boyfriends kiss. Either it is too much, or not enough, too wet or too dry, to much tongue or not enough. Now of course we all have our differences, and we are entitled to our own opinions, but how do you tell him that you would rather kiss your grampa?
Well do not worry, we are here to help. After you take my advice, and get the issue out in the open you can have many more months of fabulous kissing.
First, you have to be honest. Now I do not mean tell him that you hate the way he kisses, no you will have to be a little more subtle then that. You should tell him that you read in cosmo this month a whole bunch of new kissing moves that you really want to try. Ask him if he would be willing to let you practice on him, or if he wants to try a few. When he says yes, simply teach him how to kiss the way you want him to. This is more of a sensitive route at telling him he cannot kiss. Now you must make it a lesson, so switch up your techniques every once and a while. Say, this is the slow version, and this is the fast one, or say they recommend that you keep your mouth closed slightly, or open more, whichever he cannot seem to do. I always say the better you kiss, the better they will. Make your kisses soft, and so will they.
If they fall back into their old habits, simply say, hey do not forget our lesson, or nope that is not the way cosmo said to do it. Once they get turned on by the make out session then you will be well on your way to kissing bliss. It can be a fun exercise for the both of you, and it is worth it if you really like the guy.
Now that you have the advice, the rest is up to you. Go and give it a try, and you will be on your way to a more romantic, and skilled kisser in no time. Your lips will thank me.
Breakup Warning Signs: Address Them Before It Is Too Late
We have all been there at one point in our lives. You just finish a nice dinner with your partner, and then next thing you know you are crying in your apartment with a gallon of ice-cream. You did not even see the break-up coming. Everything was fine until after dinner… Or was it?
Break-ups do not just happen overnight. They take time and thought, especially if you are in a real relationship, and not something casual. You may feel like it was the most unexpected thing in the world, but most likely it was not. Usually there are a number of break-up warning signs to look for before the event takes place. Perhaps you were so blinded by love that they passed you by without you even noticing them. Well, listen to these warning signs, and you can see for yourself.
First, you need to look for changes in behavior with your partner. Did their work hours suddenly change? Does this change effect the amount of time you get to spend together? When you ask them why they changed their schedule, what kind of response do you get? Is it sincere? Most people can tell when they are being avoided, but sometimes we would rather not listen to our conscious mind in a hope to out wit it, and make ourselves think everything is okay. Now this is not to say that everyone who changes their hours is going to break-up with you, but it is something to think about, when it is out of character for that person.
Second, is your partner forgetting to do those things they promised, or have a hard time keeping plans with you? I mean when you first got together they probably would have moved mountains for you, and that does fade, but is it constantly happening. Do you feel like you cannot remember the last time they followed through on their plans with you? That is a key warning sign to look out for.
Thirdly, did your partner forget about your birthday, or your anniversary? I know I know, what man remembers an anniversary. Well I will leave that one up to ou. Have they never forgotten until now. What did hey do to make it up to you? If they are genuinely upset with themselves I would not worry too much, but if it is reoccurring, and they do not care, something is up.
Fourth, have they stopped communicating with you? Have they become distracted by something, and are less willing to talk about things that are going on with their family and work lives. Do you find it difficult to have a good conversation with them? Communication is the most important thing in a relationship, and therefore if you cannot talk about your lives then what is the point to being in a relationship. Now of course, the conversation will be limited at ties, but when it becomes non-existent you need help.
Fifth, how is your relationship when it comes to affection? Do you show more, less, or the same amount of affection as you did when you started dating? Most likely, you are showing less, but has that amount changed in the last little while, or has it stayed relatively the same? Do they suddenly not kiss you in public, or hold your hand at the movies. Have they always rubbed your back at night, and now they just roll over and go straight to bed? These are the signs you should be looking out for.
Sixth, has your partner stopped asking yo about your life? Do they not care about how your day at work was, or if you had a good time at the birthday party you went to? When we are getting ready to breakup with someone, we feel the need to detach them from our lives. By not allowing ourselves to care about what the other person did today. It is kind of like ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
Seven, have you caught them in a lie when up until now they have been honest and truthful? Do you feel like the trust you had in your relationship is gone. Once the trust in a relationship is gone, it can be very difficult to get back. In fact, you may be too late to try and rekindle a loving relationship at that point. You can also be quite sure that any attempt at fixing it is useless, as you see that person as a liar, and it sounds like they have made up their mind already about the relationship, if they are going to lie to you.
Eighth, are they suddenly being secretive about everything? From emails to phone conversations, do you feel like they are hiding something form you? Have they locked their phones, and email accounts, or changed a password? These are surefire break-up signs, as they do not want you to know something about them that at one point you did.
Finally, have you found that recently you and your partner have been fighting a lot more often? Do you fight oer even the smallest of issues? I mean we all go through hard times, but have these hard times turned into more of a regularity? This can be the make it or break it point, as they may just be finding an excuse to break-up.
As I said, a lot of these signs could just be your day to day activity. The key here is changes in your behavior, and over a shorter term. If you have noticed one or more of these signs recently then you need to address the issue. Tell your partner straight out if you feel like this may be the end. Tell them that you have noticed a few changes, and you do not want to make a big deal about it, but you do not want the relationship to end. If you have a chance at saving the relationship, it will only happen if you do something to stop it. For some couples it may be too late. Too many things have happened, and too many things have been said to try and change the inevitable, but for others you just needed to open your eyes a bit.
On & Off Again: Are You On A Relationship Rollercoaster
We have all been there, when a friend asks how long you and your partner have been together you reply, ‘on and off again for a few years’. However, that is not a very healthy response, or relationship for that matter. So when do you know when to get off that relationship rollercoaster? Here we will go over everything you need to know about on and off again dating, and when to get off the ride.
First, you need to assess the conflicts that you have had, that have made you break up in the past. Each of you should make a list of what you remember to be the reasons why you fight, and then compare each of your lists. Talk about how this time it will be different, and how you will fix that problem. This will get you back in the mood to handle things as a couple, and also address the issues that have been breaking down your relationship.
Second, make sure that you have the appropriate environment for a successful go at it this time. Layout your role, and that of your partners. For example, who has the role of the entertainer? Now of course that does not mean one of you is not allowed to take on that role, but who has that role primarily? Who is the cook? Who is the banker? There are always roles in relationships, and the clearer they get the easier it is.
Third, create your own formula for success. What is it that you both will do differently this tie around in comparison to the last seven times? How will you meet each others needs? You need to know each others importance, and what they value. That way you can ingrain those ideas into your daily life.
The next thing you need to know is about forgiveness. Now obviously with the relationship being on and off again you have both obviously hurt each other. However, if you are truly going to make it work this time then you need to forgive eachoher. Forgive what they have said, and the things they have done to hurt you. This is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it is also the number one reason why you will not succeed again. Think of this as a new beginning because if you dwell on the past then you are really not giving it your best shot.
Finally, you need stability in your relationship. You both need to commit to each other fully. If you continue to have a half-assed approach,a nd think to yourself, if it does not work you will just end it again, then it will not work. You need to be as committed as the first time you met.
So there you have it. If you are going to make it work this time then you must be serious. You cannot just think to yourself that you have an easy way out of it, if it happens to fail again. That will eventually ruin your relationship. It is obvious that you love each other still or you would not continue to put yourselves through hell, time and tie again, but remember sometimes love just ain’t enough.
What Women Want
It is the question that every man wants the answer to; what do women want? It is obviously not what men want, so they stew over what it is they need to do to please their women. Here we will go over what every man should know when it comes to women.
You see the two sexes compliment each other, and therefore are very opposite. Women see the world through different lenses, and worry about different things then men do. Women are a complex species of their own. They are sensitive, but are expected to be confident. They are emotional when they are expected to be strong willed. No matter what women do they are constantly in a state of thought and worry, whether it is about what they are wearing, or the relationship they are in.
So when men were asked what it is they wanted to know about women, this is what they found.
When it comes to getting your girlfriend or wife in the mood there are a few things you need to keep in mind. First, women cannot turn on a light switch to get in the mood. As a man you have to work at this. We need a connection, and intimacy to get into it. A little bit of conversation is allowed so that we can feel connected to you. This idea seems to have been lost along the way somewhere. Treat us like real people, and not something you see in a porno flick.
When it comes to romance, a lot of men have no idea what that word even means. It does not mean flowers and chocolate. What it does mean is picking up on those little things that we love, and doing them. Of curse as our society begins to move quicker and quicker this idea of romance has been lost somewhere along the way. Not every women appreciates having the door opened for her, but the majority of us do. These kind of things make us feel special and appreciated.
When it comes to the bedroom, it is a known fact that many women fake their enjoyment, but why? Well it does not take a genius to figure that one out. Do not just consider yourself in these situations. It takes two to tango as they say. If one person is not getting the steps then it ruins the whole performance. However, if a women sees that you are determined and that you are trying to hard then it takes away from our experience. We would be awful people if you worked that hard for nothing, so we lie.
You see to women sex means a whole lot more then the exchange of a few bodily fluids. Instead to us it means everything. It is not like shaking hands, it is a connection at a whole other level. Next time you crawl into bed then take a minute to put yourself in our shoes. Try to remember what sex was like in the beginning when you cherished the idea so much more. Over time we lose this in our marriages, and as a result we lose our marriages.
Increasing Intimacy In Stressful Times
-85% of couples feel more connected to their spouses when regular intimacy is occurring.
-65% of people in relationships feel they need to talk more about intimacy issues.
So what do you do if you cannot find the time to get intimate, but clearly it needs to be dealt with, well follow these few rules, and your relationship will thank-you for it.
How To Bounce Back After A Breakup
Your relationship ends and it feels like you’re never going to stop crying and you can’t pull yourself together. It’s definitely okay to feel the pain and if you need to spend the next few days under your covers sobbing and screaming over the phone to a friend that he will regret it do it but DON’T stay there. Kick off those covers and make your move to bounce back.
Good friends are necessary here for your support. They are the ones who are there when things don’t work out and will reassure you that he is so not worth it. Make an all girls nite out plan and watch how laughter can certainly put you in a better mood even if for that nite. It will get easier as time goes along.
Talk about it. That’s what our friends are there for. Choose someone that is compassionate and understanding. Don’t vent out your hurt to someone who may not be the most sensitive.
Excercising can get that frustration and anger out. Try a new class that you’ve always wanted. Hot yoga, dance class and more. There are many options for you to try out and being healthy by eating right and treating our bodies well will put your mind in a better place. Feeling good on the inside and outside will help balance you.
Do not stay in contact with the ex who broke your heart. When you stay in contact directly after a break up most of us have hope that things will be rekindled and work out happily ever after. It prevents us from moving forward and by limiting contact with your ex will help you move forward maybe even faster.
Treat yourself to something you enjoy. If you love the spa and want to get a full body massage then treat yourself. It will help ease the stress we put onto our bodies and you’ll leave feeling calmer than when you walked in. Make sure to do something you enjoy and may not have gotten to do so when you were in your relationship.
Make sure to keep yourself busy. It’s okay to express your emotions. If you don’t like crying in front of your friends then have a cry fest in the privacy of your own home. Let it all out. Sob it out during your favourite I’m Going To Get Through songs. If we keep it in it makes our bodies more tense and one day it may just all come out when least expected.
In the moment it may seem like you will never get through it and the future seems bleak without him but in time you will look back and see that you got through it.
Relationship Homework
When we are in relationships we often experience troubling times. Sometimes it is useful for couples to go to counselling to over come the obstacles in their relationships. However, this is not a necessity for every couple. Some fortunate couples can get over these problems on their own if they are willing to work at it. It is important that in these hard times you really apply yourself, and your goal of making things work. That is of course if you think they can. Sometimes in life we just need to release some of our emotions, and ‘vent’ to someone about these issues. At other times, we simply need to get these feelings down on paper. This acts as a release when other types are not needed, or not acceptable to you or your partner. Usually, when a couple goes to counselling they are sent home with work that they can do together and on their own to bring back the love in the relationship. This ‘homework’ has a great deal of benefits, and so I suggest you try a few of these exercises next time you are in trouble.
Your first assignment is to write about your current problem, or problems. This can be in life in general, or your love life. Whatever the case getting it out will feel good. Ask your partner to do the same. When you have both completed this assignment show it to each other, and see where your similarities and differences are.
A second possible assignment is writing about whether you feel lonely in your life. When you are in a couple it can get lonely despite always having someone around. Still people experience a sense of loneliness when things are not going their way. Write down at least 5 reasons why you feel lonely.
The third assignment is to write down at least ten instances when you have requested or needed ‘love’ from your partner and you were not given it. Now by love I mean anything you define as love. However, love cannot just be sex, it can be compassion, appreciation, and anything else you consider love in a relationship.
After you have completed that I want you to write down ten instances when a partner has needed or requested ‘love’ from you, and you did not do it. Again, this is not just about sex it is love which can have endless definitions.
This next assignment should be an enlightening one. I want you to write down a fifty item bitch list. This is where you are free to go off on your spouse, and your life in general. What grinds your gears about your partner? Do you hate it when they leave the toilet seat up despite your reminders, or maybe you hate how they answer their cell phone while you are in an argument. Whatever you absolutely hate write it down.
Next, write down your top 10 assumptions about the opposite sex. This is not just about your relationship, but rather love and marriage in general. These assumptions are anything from, ‘all men are pigs’ to ‘men only have wives for sex’. Whatever you think about the opposite sex , write it down. Have your spouse do the same. The results can be funny, but also hurtful so certain people will just simply not be able to handle it. If you think your spouse is this type of person proceed with caution.
Finally, your last homework assignment is to write a movie script for the rest of your life. It could be one page or twenty, but try to be as detailed as possible. Share this story with your spouse. It is interesting on how perfection on paper can become perfection in reality.
The Many Different Ways We Can Say ‘I Love You’
There is a story that I think will help get my point across in the best way possible.
One gentleman that comes to mind always had a habit of leaving notes around his house for his wife. I mean they were nothing amazing just a few special words, usually jotted down quickly on a sticky note. Every so often his wife would find these notes around her house. Everywhere she looked, from on the mirror when she got out of the shower in the morning, to in her dogs food dish when she would go to feed him. He made a point of telling her in a special way how much he loves her.
This man was in the army, and so when he was killed in Iraq shortly after he got there, his wife was devastated. When she was on her way out the door for his funeral, dressed up and wearing her winter coat, she discovered two notes in each of her pockets. The first one read, ‘I love you’, and the second one read ‘forever’. She cried, but then she stopped and realized that even death could not destroy what they had. He was with her then, and he always would be. She wondered if he knew when she would find them, and he knew she never wore that coat.
I do not know if he was anticipating that something would happen to him, but I do know that he made sure that his wife knew how much he loved her. There was never a doubt in her mind. Sometimes over the course of a relationship we forget that we need to remind the people around us that we love them. Especially because we do not know what life has in store for us. We have to make this effort not only to our partners, but for everyone that we love in our lives. With our busy days, and our hard times it is easy to forget to do this.
By love, I mean anyone that you love. Your parents, your children, and your friends. We have the tendancy to take these people for granted, but what happens when they leave us forever. So take this opportunity to tell somone how much you love them, and how much they mean to you. There is no definition of love, but no one understands that love is a job that has to have hard work put into it. Love can be a thank-you, a memory, a smile, or a kiss. It is many things, and comes in millions of shapes and sizes. This leaves us with milions of ways to say ‘I love you’ to someone. You could become a mentor, or a big brother or sister. Do some volunteer work for the homeless, or sick. Visit an elderly person that is lonely, or walk for a charity cause. These things are all ways of saying that you love the people in your life.
Show your appreciation to everyone in your life, and even people who are not. We wonder why our society is filled with hatred and crime, but only we have the cure to the things that destroy us.
