Top 5 Relationship Pet Peeves
Let’s face it, even when we are blinded by love, we still get royally pissed off when our partners do those little things that makes us crazy. No matter how much you get along, and love everything they say and do, there will come a time when you want to scream at the top of your lungs, ‘I hate that sweater, and I do not know why you continue to wear it’. I am talking about pet peeves, and we all have them. In relationships they can get pretty bad, and especially if you do not have the guts to say anything. If not, hopefully your partner will read this article, about the top five relationship pet peeves.
When a couple combines their lives they take both the good and bad. SO try to minimize the amount you do these things to make your relationship a bit smoother.
1. No nagging. Yes ladies we are all guilty of this. We feel the need to tell him to stop putting his cold, wet glass directly on our antique armour. However, once is enough. After that you just sound like his mother. Men, you are not in the clear yet. you do it too, but you do not believe you do, but think about it, how many times have you told your girlfriend to do the dishes, or make you a sandwich? The truth is, it gets tiring, and after a long day at the office, it is the last thing anyone wants to come home to. I find reversed psychology works great for this. I just say, ‘oh I wish I had remembered to do the dishes today’. Suddenly, tomorrow when you get home they will be done. But make sure you say thank-you, or next time they will be waiting for you.
2. Do not ever lye. I do not know anyone who enjoys being lied to, and especially the love of your life. It will only lead them to believe if you are lying about something so petty and small, what else are you lying about. Of course, if you are planning a surprise party, that is a different thing, but who cares if you ditched work early to get those shoes that were on sale. When he finds out the truth, you will be sorry. Not only is is cruel, but it manifests major trust issues for years to come.
3. No more drama in my life. Mary J. said it best. No one likes a drama queen, or king. Everyone can get whiny at times, but making a huge deal about everything in our life is stressful, and unnecessary. Ladies, you love to be the center of attention, but it can get old, and what happens when he stops caring. In relationships you need to make things about you bot, not just you. By both, I mean you and y our partner, not your cat Fluffy.
4. Undecided about everything. ‘What do you want for dinner?… ‘I dunno’… ‘I dunno’…’I dunno’. If this is your response to everything then you have issues. Just say it, ‘I want a Big Mac’. What are you afraid of. It shows you have a strong personality. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. This is a good trait to have as a woman, so bask in it. As a couple, you need to consult each other on things. If you disagree let them have it their way this time, and your way next time.
5. Never break a promise. You can to your dog, or gold fish, but not your partner. Just like lying, it will create trust issues down the road. If you are constantly saying you will do something and it never happens then your partner will become convinced that you are not true to your word on anything. It is annoying when someone promises they will pick up the dry-cleaning and then does not do it. Especially, if you have planned on wearing something that was in the load.
One Argument You Just Cannot Win
Fighting is never fun. It is not like we do it just to get our kicks. Usually, it feels like life or death, and we are going to fight it out until one person wins. However, are there arguments that we just are not capable of winning? Arguments that will just simply leave us feeling like dirt. Well there are. Either you can take this advice and choose not to end up in one, or you can ignore it, and feel the pain later.
It usually goes something like this. Two adults are having a regular disagreement. Then it happens. he say something that hurts your feelings, and as a rational woman your only choice is to get emotional, and suddenly a small argument turns into hurtful things being said, and you feel bad for it. So did you win? Even though you might have been right, you still feel bad, so who won?
Well ladies, this is how a man thinks. He is thinking like a businessman, and that the most logical opinion wins. You could make that claim, but still end up feeling hurt, so he still won. This is where they get the term, ‘may the best man win’. Women on the other hand do not think like this. Women get competitive, and begin to feel as if they are being blamed for doing something wrong. Their reaction is to get angry. Men do not understand this so they are left going, ‘hey what happened, I was just making a point’. Now you have just gone and thrown him for a loop, because he is powerless to a women in pain.
Then he thinks you are playing him. Like this is a game of baseball again. She will cry, or go from a strong opinionated woman, to a quiet, little girl. So now he will punish you for your games, by making it clear that he is right and you are wrong.
So here is my advice. If you start strong, stay there. If you want to proves something, you better be able to handle it if you are wrong. If you want to be cuddled then start sift. If you act like a split-personality he will be less likely to share things with you in the future. Do not get competitive. This is a mans dream. Even though you are his girlfriend he still cannot wait to say ‘I told you so’, and crush you like a bug.
If you do want to make your point then stick to it, and stay strong.
How To Predict If They Will Cheat
Cheating, it is that horrible thing that most of us have experienced at least once. Either we are the cheater, or the cheatee. Of course it is wrong, yet twenty-five percent of men, and fifteen percent of women will do it at least once. So to avoid it happening to you there are ways to predict if it is going to happen. Here we will go over some ways to tell if you will be another victim.
You will not be able to tell if you are going to be cheated on solely by seeing clues. This is very unlikely, and so you are going to have to get more tricky then that. Really, after being married to someone for years on end you should be able to notice a change in their behavior when they are cheating, but by then it is usually too late. You need to see the signs before it happens so that you have a better chance of not letting it occur. How can you tell? Well, there is no single reason why people cheat, but a lot has to do with their personality.
A cheating vulnerability does not start with your relationship. In actuality it is rooted in the persons upbringing, and dating history. That is the sad part. You do not know if you are with someone who has cheated on every single partner they have ever had. That is why it is a good idea to try and find out if they will cheat before they actually do it. Have a closer look at who you are dating. Do they have a need for excitement all the time? These are classic cheaters. They are the types of people that are at a higher risk of cheating on their spouses.
The second personality type is someone who is not a religious person. People that have religious beliefs are less likely to cheat. Even those who are not actively religious, meaning they do not practice it regularly, are less likely to cheat. These are usually people that went to church when they were younger, and still go on holidays, and such, but are not going once a week. This way they still have some fundamentals about cheating in their minds.
The third personality type is people who have a known history of abuse, or psychological issues. These people are prone to cheating, as they did not have a good example set for them when they were younger, or they are not equipped with the social skills that would normally stop others. You must be sensitive to these peoples problems, and it is a good idea to know your partners history before it comes back to haunt you. This also goes for people who have gone through a previous divorce, and those with any form of depression.
Finally, cheating will also come from a result of a rocky marriage. If you are constantly fighting, and there is not a strong bond between the two of you, then you will be more prone to cheating. Also, if you are not sexually pleasing to your partner, and it has been put on the back burner for too long then cheating is a possibility.
Now I am not saying that this is the end all and be all. These are just clues. In fact, cheaters rarely have an intent to cheat. It simply happens. So how will you know when the point of no return is approaching? Well read on.
More often then not, cheaters will go down a road that will get more narrow as it goes. They will make excuses to feel okay about what they are doing. Perhaps it is lunch with a co-worker, or an old friend. No biggie? Wrong! If you would have never dreamed of it last year, and suddenly you are convincing yourself it is fine then you are on that very road, and need to think clearly.. Id this worth my marriage, and breaking my children’s hearts, and perhaps their lives. AS the one who is not cheating it is up to you to sense something is wrong. Do not avoid a fight in this situation. If you are worried tell them how you feel. However, if there is no signs of cheating, and you want to keep it that way then there are things you can do.
You must do your best to keep the relationship feeling new and exciting. This goes for your sex life as well. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Make your relationship a priority in your life. You have to work at your relationship just as you do your career, and parenting. If you are a vulnerable person towards cheating, and you know you are then you have to stay away from those situations that make you want to cheat. Do not drink after a fight with your partner. Do not go out for a night on the town with your friends when things are rocky between you and your spouse. Remember, even though you do not intend to cheat, you are vulnerable to it, and need to stay out of the situations that will increase your likelihood to cheat. If you are still having a hard time. I suggest you go and seek some counselling.
What You Should Not Say In Bed
Sometimes we say the wrong things at the wrong time. Either we are just not thinking, or we have bad timing. We have all said stupid things that we regret saying, and sometimes we even say these things in bed. That is probably the worst possible time we could say these sorts of things.
Here we will go over some of these hilarious phrases that perhaps are better left unsaid.
First, do not mention your mother, or anyone else’s mother for that matter. There is no good time to tell your wife that your mother is coming to visit, let a lone while you are cuddling under the sheets. In fact, the mere mention of the word mother while in bed is a huge no-no.
Do not mention the repairs around the house that still have not been done. The bedroom is no place to mention the hot water tank, unless you would rather spend this time fixing it.
Leave the children out of the bedroom. Unless of course one is crying at the top of their lungs, or you hear smoke alarms or something to that degree. Maybe you just thought of how there is a school play, but hey give yourselves the few minutes you have together, and then worry about the robin hood costume that you forgot to stitch.
Never, and I mean never, mention an ex. Even though you maybe thinking about an ex, you should never bring them up, especially while in bed together. If you choose to ignore this advice, have a great night sleep in the dog house.
This one is for the men. When your wife attempts intimacy, and we never do this as much as you would like us to, then please do not deny us if the ‘game’ is on. If you do, then please do not attempt to get intimate with us when it is over. We see where your priorities are, and obviously we are not as high as the ‘game’ on that list. Therefore, we have taken the matter into our own hands, and perhaps now it is your turn.
No excuses in bed. By this time you should be honest with each other. If you do not want to do it, then just say no. Do not go off about how tired you are, or make excuses that the kids could come in. Just say no. Excuses will become the norm, and it will just aggravate the heck out of the two of you. You will try to get back at one another with… you guessed it more excuses.
Do not comment on your wife’s bedroom attire. So what she has goo all over her face, and her hair is a mess. Remember those vows, for better or worse. Well it is not all roses hunny so suck it up.
The number one, ultimate thing that you should never say to your wife in bed is anything regarding her weight. Even if you say she lost weight, it does not matter. Just never use the word weight in the bedroom. If you do mention it then make plans to sleep on the couch for… the rest of your life.
Well I hope that helps you all out to put an end to these things before you end up in some deep trouble.
Can I Stop My Divorce Before It Is Too Late?
Merrill- I am scared that I have lost my wife. We have been married for almost ten years, and I do not know what is wrong. She has said that things have changed, and that she is not happy. We have two wonderful children, and I do not want anything to change. She has filed for a divorce, and I cannot bring myself to sign the papers. Is it too late, or can I still save my marriage?
From-Approaching the point of no return
Dear Approaching,
There is some good news, and some bad news. Since I always like to hear the bad first, I will assume the same for you. You truly are clueless if you have no idea why the woman you have been married to for over ten years suddenly would give everything she has up and file for a divorce. Perhaps this is the whole reason she has decided to call it quits. Have you ever thought about what she could be talking about when she says things have changed? Have things changed, or have you changed. I believe that without even knowing you, I can honestly say that ten years ago, before the dirty diapers and the pureed carrots you were active in this relationship. You knew how your wife felt, when she was happy, and when she was sad. Somehow, over the last ten years you have lost that ability, and have fallen into this routine called life. You think that because you kiss her goodbye everyday, that you are both fine, but she is not. You have lost the things that she fell in love with. Do you ever ask her how her day was, or surprise her with a spa package? Can you remember the last time you made love, or held her hand. Probably not.
So now for the good news. It is not over quite yet. You have one last chance for this marriage to survive. You have to get her back the same way you got her in the first place. You need to sit down and figure out what has changed, and change it back. I would start with a date. Go out for dinner, or to the movies. Get her flowers; do all of that fun, cheesy stuff that you did when you were young, and did not have children. Send the kids to your moms that way you will have the house to yourselves. Run her a nice bath, and join her. To me it just sounds like she is fed up with you having no clue that she is not happy. Now this is the most important information. Talk to her. Tell her you know what is going on, and you want one more chance to show her that you love her, and want her in your life. Tell her you know you have changed over the years, and that you are going to work on getting the things that she loved about you back.
If she is willing to call off the divorce, and it will not happen overnight; from that point on you must care about her feelings. You can save your marriage, but you have to pay attention. Good luck, I hope you will let me know how it goes.
Bringing Trust Back Into Your Relationship
So you have lost the trust in your relationship. Something you have done has made it disappear, and now you are worried if you will ever get it back. I am going to be honest with you, it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do, and you may not succeed.
You see one has to earn trust. Usually, in the beginning of a relationship trust has been established, and is continually built throughout the relationship. At times we do things that break that trust down, and erode it form the inside. This could be cheating, lying, or some other bad behavior. What makes it even more difficult is that trust means something different to all of us. We all have standards, and while one person may be able to forgive a cheating partner, others may not.
At most we will usually try to see if the trust can somehow be brought back to a relationship, but it can be difficult. From experience, I know that even though it may appear as if you have regained trust, it comes up again and again in different fights. Something that you both may have said is okay now, rears its head when things are not going well. Do not lie to yourself, and say that the trust is back when in fact it is not.
So how do you do it, if it can be done… Well that is simple. Be honest, and genuine. Do not lie, or cheat, or sneak around. Keep your lines of communication open. Do not hide things in order for someone not to get hurt. If they find out, they will be hurt even more. You can not save someone from their feelings. If anything, let them feel whatever they want.
Save the apology. To that person your word means nothing now. Your actions however, mean everything. Do things that will make them trust you again. Tell them the truth, and let them be the judge. Do you really want to be with someone who you have to sneak behind their backs to live your life. Why not discover that perhaps you are not meant for each other, and you need to move on. Instead of leading them on, save them the trouble, and heartache.
If you find yourself unable to trust again then that is up to you. Do not let anyone tell you how you should feel after you have been betrayed by a loved one. The fact is that they hurt you, and it is up to them to try and regain that trust back into your relationship. Sometimes you just cannot forgive someone, and that is your prerogative. Just do not turn a blind eye to it. That way you will not fight about something every time you fight about another problem in your relationship.
For those of you trying to earn trust with your partner, actions speak louder then words. It will be difficult to get your relationship back to the way it was, and you may never get it back. But then, perhaps you should have thought about that before you did wrong.
Long Distance Relationships: Can It Work?
One of the greatest obstacles for a couple is being in a long distance relationship. There is nothing worse then finding out that your lover is going away to school, or got a great job in another state or province. Of course you want to be happy for them and their success, but what happens to your relationship. If you both decide together that staying in the relationship is a good decision, then you will definitely go through some hard times until the time comes when you can get closer living arrangements.
This is a very common problem for many younger couples, and those of us that are still figuring out what it is we want in our lives. Hopefully you both have talked about what you want for the next few years ahead, and understand that these dreams may require one or both of you to move away from each other. The more you both have out in the open, the easier it will be if the time ever comes where you have to discuss long distance relationships.
Now there is a chance that your long distance relationship will work, but you need to understand that it will be different from what you are used to, and it will entail a little sacrifice. A long distance relationship can be very rewarding when you both discover how far you will go to be with each other. It is truly a test. What will decipher if you will withstand the test, is how strong your love for each other is. If this relationship is just a casual one then get that out there so that you are both clear on what it is that you want out of this relationship.
People that are in, or are thinking of getting into a long distance relationship have it a whole lot easier then they used to. With today’s technology you have a much better chance of having your relationship survive. Instant messaging, cellular phones, web cameras, and text messaging make communicating with your partner as easy as pushing a button. You can have date nights online, say good morning and goodnight to each other, and even watch movies together. Communication is the most important thing in a long distance relationship. Just because you are a million miles away from each other does not mean that you cannot talk to each other about everything you would if they were right next to you.
The second most important thing in a long distance relationship is trust. It is so hard to keep the trust when you cannot see your partners face. You cannot read their body language. This is why you have to be serious when you are thinking about diving into a long distance relationship. Your level of trust must be high, and you both have an understanding of honesty. There is no point in stringing someone along in a relationship when you are just cheating on him or her the whole time. That person has reserved a very important part in their life for you, so do not abuse it.
Surviving That Bad Breakup
When relationships take a turn for the worse it takes a strong couple to get through it. Some will not make it, and it is one of the most horrible feelings in the world. Surviving a break-up seems impossible, but it is not. Help is here! Try these tips to mend that broken heart, and have the ability to move on to finding your true soul mate.
Your friends and family are like your break-up rehab. They should be treated accordingly. Your friends will be there for you longer then any boyfriend or girlfriend will be. They are your shoulder to cry on, and the one that will be there to distract you from the harsh reality of what has just happened. Try not to push them away, even though it may be your natural reaction.
Get to know yourself again. We all do it when we are in relationships, we put our significant others before ourselves, and begin to shape our lives around someone else. A break-up is a good chance to see how much of you has been lost in the midst of it all. Take a walk alone, go have a coffee alone, rent a sappy movie and watch it by yourself. Any of these things will give you a sense of self-empowerment, which you so desperately need.
Reflect on what happened. Really try to think about what went wrong. When relationships fail it is never one persons fault, it usually has something to do with the both of you. Even if you were cheated on there is usually something that went wrong in order for this to happen. It could be a sign you missed; did they know how much you appreciated them? Did you rush into the relationship because you were too blinded by love? What does love even mean to you? You should consider all of these things when reflecting on what has happened. It will hurt, but it will help you in the long term. This relationship was obviously a mistake, and in order to learn from it, you need to reflect on the mistakes you made.
Take some time off in the relationship department. Do not rush into another one right away, or dabble in casual sex with anyone. It will only hurt you more in the end. You will begin to feel jaded, and will lose your meaning of sex, and what it is to ‘make love’. The opposite sex can sense your vulnerability, and will try to take advantage of you, sexually, emotionally, or financially. Of course, you can have fun, but try to keep that fun from under the covers for a while.
Put away the memories. Memories will be there forever good or bad. There is no magic switch to get them out of your head. But you can get them off your walls, out of your cupboards, and into a nice resting place. Keep your memories of that person in your heart, but out of your sight until you are strong enough to abolish them forever. If your mutual friends cannot be packaged up, and put away, just tell them what is going on, and when you are ready nature will take its course. If they do not understand then they were probably never really your friends.
The rest is up to you. Remember, even though you broke up, you will never be alone.
I Am Here To Help
Hello everyone,
My name is Merrill and I am a dating/relationship expert. I am here to help you with all of your dating disasters, and rules of romance. Please do not hesitate to ask me anything, there is no such thing as a stupid question! Here is my email merrill@cupidmarket.com
