Dating and Loving - How Do You Know If You Have Found “The Right One”?

Each and every one of us has our own special combination of personality traits, attitudes, skills, behaviors, educational backgrounds, values and beliefs. We have each been born into a unique family scenario with a certain number of siblings, and a specific birth order. Our biological parents shape our own genetic traits, from their nationalities, and from their own families of origin. All the personal experiences we have had will tend to either strengthen or weaken our core beliefs, attitudes, behaviors and our self-esteem.

As infants, our needs and behaviors are quite simple and similar to one another. When we are feeling hungry, hurt, or emotionally upset, we cry or even scream. When we are happy or content, we smile or we laugh aloud in delight. However, as we grow older our personalities change and gradually become more complex. We have all heard stories about defiant teenagers who speak rudely to their parents, and other authorities as they continue to develop into maturing adults. What we do not usually hear about is the totally complex nature of love and relationships.

Many factors need to interconnect in order to make us feel that we have found our soul mate. Our family scenarios need to match in some important ways so that we can feel accepted and understood.  For example, one person may come from a loving family with happily married parents, and who rarely fight. The other person that seems to be so loving and appealing may have parents who had numerous affairs, and several divorces. If these two people get into a relationship, the differences between them can potentially create a great deal of heartache and distress. The person from the loving family expects attention, sharing and regular expressions of love. The person from the problematic family feels smothered rather than appreciative, creates a distance, is less willing to show their true feelings, is less willing to make a full commitment, and is more likely to find a way to escape if a situation becomes too emotionally difficult.

Yes, these couples can go for counseling and gain advice and awareness to keep the relationship healthy and intact. Will they be happy? Of course, there are some couples who have overcome such deeply rooted differences, and help each other to grow into a loving couple.

The most likely scenario if no help is sought out, is months or years of anger, resentment, misunderstandings, demands, and finding excuses to escape. The emotional pain often intensifies as the personal self-esteem and trust in relationships diminishes.

So, how do you know if they are “The Right One?” It certainly does not begin at the moment that you meet a new and attractive potential partner. In fact, it begins as soon as you realize the necessity to self-reflect and discover your own bottom line needs, desires, and preferences. When you are secure in knowing, accepting and acknowledging your own self worth and value, then you can clearly assess how a potential partner fits or does not fit into your life.
For example, when you give up trying to force a round peg into a square hole. This goes for your relationships as well. If the object of your desire does not reciprocate in a way that supports your dreams and goals, then it is time to let go, and move on.